Mine

Lately I have been going through one of those phases again where I wonder how can I know so much and yet my life appear to be so screwed up. I like this quote in The Principles of Effortless Power by Peter Ralston:

A lot of people want to learn something, and simply study from someone who tells them to do this and that, and that’s legitimate….In my case, I wanted to make the art mine. And in order to be mine, I had to have the ability. I had to discover and understand it. It didn’t do me any good if someone said something and I believed it; only if I understood it, only when it was my experience and my ability, was it useful.

Rut

Twyla Tharp, The Creative habit:

"When you’re in a rut, you have to question everything except your ability to get out of it."

Website-2 Steps Back

I have been working on and tweaking my website for almost a week. Today, I found out that my internet provider no longer offers free web hosting. I am not sure I can financially justify paying for a site, but I also don’t want ads. I am indecisive about what I want to do. How badly do I want or need a website? I did learn a lot about myself through the process of creating the site. It is enough?

I feel like I have been in some sort of energetic limbo for a long time. I could really use a few days of just practicing some internal martial arts form, like Baguazhang, and not thinking. I am so tired of trying to force the river.

Designing My Website: Part 2

Saturday I was not going to rest until I got the navigation bar to do what I wanted it to do. The visited links were purple. While I love purple, I didn’t want it on my visited links. I was like a woman possessed. Finally, I thought to type my question into the browser window. A wonderful soul in the State of Washington had an answer to my problem. I slept well.

Since then I have been like a teenager who can’t decide what to wear to the big dance. I keep on trying on color schemes and graphics. I have painted, penciled, crayoned, and photoshopped. I have changed and rechanged and rerechanged the colors of fonts. I have tiled and untiled. I have questioned who I am and what I want to say, and tried to figure out how that translates into the look of a webpage.

Yesterday, emotionally exhausted, I sat down and read the last three hundred pages of the The Reincarnationist with barely a bathroom break. Today, given a long list of my week’s todo’s, I decided to fire up Dreamweaver again.

I am determined! What color palette is that?